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Issue 68 / How To Maintain A Loving Relationship After Divorce

How To Maintain A Loving Relationship After Divorce

Feb 01, 2017

    Divorce does not have to be an ugly process. You do have a choice to take a more peaceful and healthier path that will allow you to maintain loving relationships around you.

    The concept of a healthy divorce is novel to families in the South Asian community. Divorce is perceived as a break up of the family unit and hence runs against the cultural values that the community holds. Such views prevent open conversations on how to end a relationship well and still keep family values. Many see divorce and family values as mutually exclusive which is quite the contrary. Divorce is also considered to be a shameful part of life and therefore the thought of a healthy divorce is not normally entertained in the South Asian community or supported. The following article is meant to guide those that have made the choice to divorce a still want to maintain a kind and healthy connection with their ex and extended family.

    1. Don’t take things personally.

    It is a sensitive time and process and it is easy to take many things personally especially if family and friends connected to you and your ex feel they have to make a choice as to who they are going to remain in contact with. Let the painful feelings come and go. You don’t have to “do” something about it. Separation or divorce is tough as it is and you want to keep your energy focused on what is at hand in the present moment of your life such as your children, your work and your own health.

    1. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just choose to be loving.

    Many times you may feel the urge to justify your separation or divorce to those around you and my best advice is not to get into this trap. No one will truly understand your relationship with your ex and why decisions were made to end the relationship. Getting involved in conversations that require you to justify your decisions is futile. Only you are truly in charge of your own happiness and if you feel you made the most conscious and right choice for you and your family then there is no one you need to explain yourself to. Period.

    Divorce relationships love
    Choose to be loving always. Photo Credit: www.betterworld4all.org
    1. Avoid those that pass judgment.

    Judgment is also rampant during a separation and you have to accept that only you and your ex truly will ever know your full dynamics. For a temporary time you will need to simply ignore and avoid those that are passing quick opinions and judgments. And if it persists and interferes with your day to day life you will need to speak up for yourself simply to protect your heart and set healthy boundaries.  Don’t pay attention to the opinions of those that are judging you from afar and choose to stay close to those that are with you, helping you and encouraging you as you strive in life.

    Divorce Relationships Love
    Those who have not walked your path will find it easy to judge your actions. Photo Credit: www.warofthesoulites.com
    1. Focus on building and maintaining a healthy relationship with your ex.

    This is especially critical if you share children. Your extended family will come around when they see you and your ex are working in partnership for your children. Healthy boundaries and communication with your ex will also serve you emotionally and mentally. Many times this may mean a real pause in any communication simply to find your own footing. A healthy relationship with your ex also sets a good example for your children and allows them to grow to their maximum potential without absorbing any negative energy from your adult relationship and conflicts.

    1. Forgive and let go.

    When it comes to past hurts stemming from your ex or family members, it is important to forgive and truly let go. Oh how hard this step is but the inner spiritual work is so worth it.

    Rather than constantly remembering the pain from your ex or related family members; modify your thinking to accept your situation or accept people for who they are in the current state. If you can master an attitude that things or people can never make you who you are at your core, you will be much less likely to hold on to past hurts.

    Also remember that thoughts beget emotions, so if you are constantly thinking negative thoughts about your ex and family members, you will undoubtedly be experiencing negative emotions on a more consistent basis. And who wants to go through life feeling miserable all the time? If you want to be happier, be happier.

     

    Divorce relationships family love
    Let go of the past and look forward. Photo Credit: www.img.mindbodygreen.com

    Separation and divorce can be a traumatic life change. Give yourself time and let go of any expectation when it comes to your family relationships. One thing I’ve learned is that those who are meant to be in your life, will be in your life. A separation or divorce cannot get in the way of true unconditional love, godly love.  Stay true to yourself and be kind always. Love as openly as you can. Your expression of unconditional love comes back in mounds when the dust of a separation or divorce settles.

    To put this blog to practice, state one thing you can do to improve your relationship with your ex and the extended family.

    Main Image Photo Credit:  www.puvvadalaw.com

      Yvonne Sinniah

      Yvonne Sinniah

        Author

        Yvonne Sinniah is a Relations Advisor focusing on helping individuals achieve success in personal and professional environments.  She is on a mission to meet a need in today’s society where developing and sustaining meaningful relationships while on a journey to fulfill career and life ...

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